This is where the old sounds go.
"I wouldn't let the
cops in if they were certified, notarized, and dressed for choir
The Deep Blue Sleep
"Before you take a bite out
of something, you make sure it's something that won't bite you
Beamer's Last Case
"Naw it's ok. I'm
just going to eat the 400. Cause I've been playing jacks with a
square ball all my life. I don't know from last Tuesday."
"You wanted your books, you
got 'em. Even Geronimo would say that's a fair deal."
The Four Pound Brick
"No stakeout. I
sent you to camp when you were a kid, that's enough. I could be paying you
straight time to the year 2000 and then no one would show up."
Dirty Money, Black Light
"I'll tell you what's
wrong. You ain't feeding my boy right. He...he ain't got
enough sugar in his blood."
The Dexter Crisis
"This place looks like
bargain day at the drug store."
Kill the Messenger
"I've been going
through your package sergeant. It's quite a package. You don't
mind me looking over your package do you?"
Foul on the First Play
"That's a move I learned
selling vacuum cleaners in the ghetto."
Never Send A Boy King To Do A Man's Job
"Oh yeah, that
looks like something Captain Space would wear on that Saturday morning
The Gang at Don's Drive-In
"JImbo, you were in the
carpet business. This stuff you got here is three notches above a
The Mayor's Committee From Deer Lick Falls
"How do you trust
anyone in the state where half the people hide their eyes behind
The Kirkoff Case
"How much more do you want
Mr. Rockford? I mean no one could be in a racket like yours without
being influenced by money."
"Lions, Tigers, Monkeys and Dogs"
"You’re about as
subtle as an avalanche."
A Material Difference
"Years and years
and years I'm going out of my mind. Your stupid ridiculous lies and
games year after year!"
The Empty Frame
what's the story, does Becker have the exclusive dealership in the
Local Man Eaten by Newspaper
"Now on the other
hand would you be interested in a 14 year old girl that was attacked by a
Kodiak bear and lived to tell about it?"
Trouble in Chapter 17
"I pat her on the
behind and forty million idiots read about it."
Tall Woman in Red Wagon
"He has a little
printing press and he makes up phony business cards. Its
Rattlers' Class of 63
"I could have been
with her tonight, holding that warm, sweet body instead of this fungo
"Save the Hank Williams would ya, I
left my fiddle at home."
Kill the Messenger
great Dennis, you know, have a kid named after you. You must be
proud of him. I, uh, always kinda thought that Scottie was named
Dwarf in a Helium Hat
"Is this a bus
station? You're all waiting for the 9:15 to Fresno? Or maybe
you've got work to do?"
A Different Drummer
"I think Rockford
is a mental case. What else did he say?"
"The phonebook's full
of P.I.s. Oh you were my first choice naturally, but you were
fishing. You're always fishing!"
The Jersey Bounce
"Tell me you
didn't let out a little sob of gratitude when you saw a Beverly Hills firm
on your murder case."
The Big Cheese
"Did you ever think
when the hearse goes by that you might be the next to die. They put
you in a big long box and cover you up with dirt and rocks."
Nice Guys Finish Dead
U.A.L.I. would like to let you know that we are setting up an information
center and any further statements to the press will be made at the
Hop-a-log Cassidy suite at the Gene Autry Hotel."
This Case Is Closed
"Pity we aren't
the same age. I could take you out behind the woodshed and we could
bash it around for a while."
"The price of kelp
has been jumping like a frog in shallow water and with this new process
for converting kelp into methane gas a fellow get his self real healthy in
You're an unusual blend Jim. You know your sweet, hang lose, and yet
kind of a Fascist. Listen you know you don't have to suffer with
these dogs. You just make a positive affirmation that they're not
knocking over your garbage cans and it will stop."
The Real Easy Red Dog
"I have been
dreading the day when you two would get together on anything."
New Life, Old Dragons
"She knows the
difference between an M16 and a chicken fried steak."
The Oracle Wore a Cashmere Suit
Stevie Wonder says right? When you believe in things that you don't
understand then you suffer. Shine on."
If It Bleeds, It Leads
got a pair of underwear I can borrow?"
The Battle of Canoga Park
Leader, this is Red Eye One. Uncle Julius just picked up the
"Just a Coupla Guys"
"Yeah, you're so hot
to get back to L.A. Go ahead, go surfing or join a cult or
something. We don't need you here."
"Drought at Indianhead River"
"I am not going
to the sanitarium. I have been in jail and every time I go they give
me these physiological tests and twice they've told me I have unstable
personalities. I'm talking about these doctors who shuffle around
rubbing their hands together talking German and I'm an unstable
personality. I had to burn down the rec room just to get them to put
me back in normal stir."
"Requiem for a Funny Box"
"Sir we have a
Milton Berle Sandwich and a Hope Salad Sir, but no lobster ala anything
A Fast Count
"If women woke up
and stopped living their lives on hold because of some man this would be a
whole new world Baby. Cause you guys are trying to keep it a big
secret. See it's really easy and your game is to make it look hard."
The Reincarnation of Angie
"Well Rockford had
better get on the ball or he's going to be balancing figures for another
2 Into 5.56 Won't Go
"You ain't thinking
about going around messing with the Army again? You mess with the
Army they'll put a shovel in your hand and point you at the hard ground.
That's the Army way."
Chicken Little is a Little Chicken
"This here game is
over man. You got to move your boss or Rocky is going to lay a
subpoena on him. And his torpedo is going to smoke your old
lady and all your heavies will be doing time, except for maybe your
mouth piece and Rocky's sheriffs got him put in the corner. You got
nothing left but punks and junkies, you're
Only Rock n Roll Will Never Die
"Awe why hey Dad,
she's not my idea of a great date but what are you bucking for the Cotton
Hotel of Fear
And we stick with that angle
if we go with the protective custody thing, but if we get into an expose
we call it The Martin Papers. I got a better title too,
Witness for the Prosecution.
Charlie Harris At Large
"Well we're in an inflationary
period. The price on infidelity is going though the roof."
"Ol' Pete, he knows truckin
you know. He said this fellow that had it let it sit outside til it
just turned plum into junk. Ruined, that's what it was. No
wonder he wanted to sale it, huh? That would have been a waste of
valuable time going up there."
If the Frame Fits
"I have a theory Dennis.
My theory is that you, Beth, everybody has aspirin, but for some
inexplicable reason nobody will cop to it, like it has some sort of stigma
attached to it."
Irving The Explainer
"But don't just jump in in the
last couple of days, alright. I'm confused. Just begin at the
Resurrection in Black and White
"Well let's see for a house like
this with a little tiny patio, only two and a half baths, ah, I'd say about
twenty thousands. You take back a second at six percent. That
sound about right?"
Aaron Ironwood School of Success
"Jimmy we had to get you
out from behind home plate or you'd of cost us every game. Now you was
better off in center field"
The Queen of Peru
"Breaker, breaker, this is the Big 500.
Calling any RV'ers from the great and sovereign state of Indiana, come on."
Just Another Polish Wedding
"Gabby and Gandy, sounds like a puppet show."
Only Rock n Roll Will Never Die
"When Mr. Elton John was seen in an issue of Pop
Scene wearing a pair of our three inch heels in a custom multi-colored word
Elton right up each ankle, uh hum, we saw that market jump twenty two point one
percent in six months."
The Man Who Saw the Alligators
"Guys like you Rockford and guys like me, we can't
live here together. You make this planet a toilet for me to live in."
The Farnsworth Stratagem
"Jimbo...we need you man"
So Help Me God
"See it's been quite an education Mr. Bevins.
I've not only been cited with contempt, but I've been treated with contempt and
with a total disregard for my rights guaranteed me under the Constitution."
Dirty Money, Black Light
"You ought to be talking to Jim Rockford and his
father Joseph. Let me spell that for you, that's Rockford,
R.O.C.K.F.O.R.D. The guy's got a record too you know but the state they
pardoned him but you know the state they just practically give them pardons
away. This guy and his dad, they're dirty. You talk about marked
bills and mob money. You want to find these guys right away, I wouldn't
waste any time. Now Rocky, that's the father, he's at the Palm Shores
Hotel, that's in Hawaii. A lot of mob guys hang out there. I'd grab
him and I wouldn't let him go. I'd grab him right away if I was you."
Beamer's Last Case
""Detective Digest, strange cases from my
file", it's a weekly feature. Here, here, harrowing legal experiences by
America's premiere defense attorney. He reads that stuff Dennis. He
is one hundred percent chucklehead."
The Attractive Nuisance
"Jim, whatever you do don't tell him you're sorry.
It can be construed in court as an admission of guilt. Tell him you hope
he feels better, you hope he's out of the hospital soon, things like that can be
very reassuring and sympathetic, but they can't be used against you in court."
A Deadly Maze
"Your Ma never left the house without she left me a
note telling where she was going, what time she'd be back, and what I was
allowed to help myself to in the icebox."
South by Southeast
"I have no superiors; few peers and no
There's one in every port
"I've got this thing about loose talk. If
you were to run out into the brush for about nine miles and whisper this to a
gopher, I'd make it a personal point to bust the wheels off your wagon."
Backlash of the Hunter
"Let's face it every time you get lucky and
you solve one of these dead cases it makes us look stupid. My captain
White on White and Nearly Perfect
"Isn't that nice, a happy ending. All of us
got to go to a farm."
The Girl in the Bay City Boys Club
"Don't...don't lean, don't hassle, and don't threaten.
I happen to be in a very bad mood."